Saturday, January 10, 2015

What Heavy Editing Looks Like.

The author gave me permission to post editing changes as examples while I edit his book. These changes will only remain until the next chapter is ready. Consider it a serial book. This is the first pass, so I may miss some errors.

Introduction

My part in this story starts in 2006 when my mother died. My brother, sister, and I had a great relationship, and executing the will was very friendly. There was some money to be divided, and we had to divide the personal items. We divided these in terms of what they meant to each of us, rather than on what they could sell for.

g. added “Oxford comma” after sister as it was standard in 1904.

g. Delete very as the word is overused.

g. Added comma after us to separate the parenthetical expression

My brother was working with Habitat for Humanity, so he inherited all of my father’s tools. He also inherited my mother’s big diamond ring because he has a couple of daughters who might wear them later.

g. Replaced got with inherited.

g. Replaced got with inherited.

My sister asked for the old Wurlitzer piano she learned to play on. She also asked for some furniture.

All I wanted was the two boxes in the attic, which were handed down from my mother’s father. I had seen these in the attic from the time I was little, but nobody ever opened them, and we didn’t know what was in them
.
This year, I finally got around to looking inside. What I read kept me enthralled through the night. Tom Colby emigrated from Ireland in 1904, and this is his story. Tom became one of the top sales reps in the country, and he founded “Sales Team One”.

g. Added comma.

g. Added he.

g. Added quotes and italiced.

g. Restructured sentence – original: Finally, this year, I got around to looking inside

Each day, Tom would write a page about his life in America. I reckon there are about 10,000 pages in the boxes. I’m dedicating this book to T. R. Colby, and to all sales reps and sales managers.

g. Added comma.

Gary Thaller, Editor

g. Italicized



Section after completing corrections

I only this minute arrived at Ellis Island after sailing from Dublin, and I was worried. Mom died on the voyage to America, and I didn’t know what would happen since I was only 14 years old. Would they let me into the United States, or would they send me home? Would they place me in an orphanage? Would I even get a chance to live the American Dream? I was scared, and thought about dodging the line and sneaking off to New York City.

I had $50 in my pocket as everyone did. That was a requirement back then to immigrate to the United States from Ireland.

Finally, I arrived at the front of the line and found I didn’t need to worry. They stamped my papers and sent me on my way. Some nuns with square faces stuck a banana in everyone’s hand for a snack. I wasn’t hungry, so I stuck it in my pocket.

Mom told me that if I wanted to get wealthy, then I should go where the wealthy people are. I found a group of men talking and asked them, “Where are the wealthy people?” They laughed and made some jokes at my expense, but I wasn’t giving up. I asked some more men and some old guy said, “If you want to find the rich people, then go to Wall Street.” “Where’s Wall Street?” I asked. He pointed in the general direction.

There was a colossal building with magnificent columns, and someone told me it was the New York Stock Exchange. The cornerstone said it was built last year.

On the streets around the building, men in cheap suits were shouting at men in windows. They were shouting out names and prices, and others would tell them if they were buying or selling. I asked what was going on, and was told this was the “Curbstone Exchange.People were buying and selling stocks, and they were all trying to get rich.

How was I going to create wealth here? I put my hands in my pockets, and found the banana. I don’t know why, but I held the banana in the air and shouted, “Banana, 10 cents!” A guy near me grabbed the banana and stuck a dime in my hand. I looked at it in awe and shed a tear when I saw the head of the Statue of Liberty on it.


On the way to Wall Street, I passed a grocery store with a box of bananas out front. I recalled bananas were 3 cents apiece. I ran back to get three bananas, and went back to Wall Street to sell them.

No comments:

Post a Comment